I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
