the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
my poor anus
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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