My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
