Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
