her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize