You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize