Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
