bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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