Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
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