i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
