So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize