This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She even gives head with a lisp.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
