"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
