Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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