Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
false alarm, still single
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