My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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