Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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