Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
