so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
