I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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