I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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