I wanna bring you to show and tell
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize