If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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