We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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