in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
