I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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