come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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