so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
