For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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