If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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