You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
