He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
