The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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