So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
