If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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