I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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