he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
