The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
