I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
only if we run a train.
done.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
