But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize