he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
