i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
is it fun? or sober?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
