my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
