it wasn't lemon gatorade
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
