:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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