After last night, I could never be a politician.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
