normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
