oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
