You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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