in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
