I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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