If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize