Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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