420 ftw
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
