She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
