I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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