theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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