Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
birth control should be required to get into college
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
