Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Randomize
