He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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