Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
