I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
