You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
