Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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