So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
NoShamevember. You game?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
