You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
