You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize