to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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