dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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