well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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