Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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