wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize