I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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