He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
