There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
