I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
its liver damage thursday
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