Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
