Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
